do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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