I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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