I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Two words: blizzard sex
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
