We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
