at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
