I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
