I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
