i just wanna soil my oats bro
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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