ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
