The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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