do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
