My first STD was from a foam party
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
