Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
