The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
