i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
