there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
