can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
