Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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