This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
