You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
