I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
