Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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