Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
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