i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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