Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
