I got chris browned last night
my phone needs a breathalizer
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
