She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
