420 ftw
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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