went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
