i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.