My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
