i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
