so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
only you would photoshop your dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
