you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
