she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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