Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
