I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
