Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
