I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Drunk is not a location!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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