just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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