I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
