Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
