I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
