he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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