the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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