Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
