Me. At least after what I've been through.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
