I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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