yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
