he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
