you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
