She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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