Soap is not a condiment
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
