The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
