When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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