i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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