if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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