you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
