you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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