this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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