I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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