We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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