I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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