dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
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It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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