Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
