so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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