how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
