I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
